A Handful of New Emoji, Ranked

Everyone loves good emoji, am I right, folks?

Well, we’re getting a light lineup of expressive characters in the forthcoming Emoji 13.1, which will arrive sometime in 2021. There are 217 in total, but 210 expand on skin tone variations for existing emoji. That means there are just seven new emojis ripe for a ranking. It’s pretty nice that they also perfectly capture the spirit of what it means to be alive in the year of our lord 2020, a time when everything is literally and figuratively on fire.

Because ranking is something we do here—as we have for sexting and merely for the hell of it—so, too, shall this thin offering of emoji be ranked.

7. Face in clouds

Per Unicode, this emoji is meant to represent the state of being “absentminded.” Get your head out of the clouds, silly goose! Do your homework! Call your mom! But I’ll be honest, I find this emoji to be deeply upsetting. The representation of a dead-eyed, smirk-less face staring at me from behind a wall of white fluff does not impart a feeling of safety and security. Get out of the clouds, sure, but also the hell away from me, pal!

6. Face with spiral eyes

According to Unicode, this expression is meant to impart a whole range of emotion, including “dizzy,” “hypnotized,” spiral,” “trouble,” and “whoa.” In other words, this could be an emoji for a particularly transfixing TikTok or a catch-all representation of your general attitude toward anything happening during our collective Year from Hell. It’s a choose-your-own-adventure emoji, and I personally welcome the chaos of attempting to decipher what it means when sent with absolutely zero context.

6. Mending heart

This bandaged heart emoji is really quite nice—an emoji character to impart wellness. It can convey “healthier,” “improving,” “mending,” “mending heart,” “recovering,” “recuperating,” and simply “well.” These are all good things! (None of which I can currently relate to.)

4. Person with beard

What’s not to like here? This is very good! To quote senior consumer technology editor Alex Cranz, “they are the Chris Evans in a sweater in a cabin with a Yankee candle of emojis.”

3. Woman with beard

Again, love it! These emoji characters looks like they give great hugs!

2. Face exhaling

Here it is, reader. The “this is me” of emoji. The essence of “I am so fucking tired of this shit” face. This is an emoji that says “I need a nap, and frankly a long one.” Technically this emoji also represents “whistle,” but I’m confident we all know what it’s really saying.

1. Heart on fire

It was obviously a tough call for the number one spot—so many good emojis with this update. But god, it really took them long enough! We finally have an emoji to accurately represent heartburn, people! Ascorbic acid? Fried and fatty foods? Onions and coffee? It’s your time to shine, my friends. (There may be other meanings related to “love” or “lust” or something. Whatever.)

While there could only be one winner in the list above, all these emoji are winners in our fiery, burning hearts.